Motherhood Ambition

Initially I was skeptical of including my pregnancy journey in my art practise but when I found out that getting pregnant and staying pregnant wasn't as easy as my toxic parents made it out to be I realised that making art about my journey to become a parent was something I needed to do.

I still feel strongly about not including my kids in my art as this will protect them from abusive family members of my past but making art about my journey is only going to help others who are also finding pregnancy not so straight forward.

At first I started making sculptures that reroute the narrative of the thin childless mythological woman. These sculptural pieces are designed to not only rewrite the pregnancy narrative but also include it in the body positivity movement. There is still a part of fat phobia that resides with pregnant women as societal tradition has made pregnant women wear black clothes and consistently cover a pregnant woman's baby bump. A good example of this is when Rachel from friends wears a top that doesn't cover her whole bump and gets criticised for it. She defends herself as she is uncomfortable and hot and should be able to wear what she likes.

Pregnancy and Motherhood also opens up a whole new avenue for feminism. Men are often seen as heroic when they carry out the job of single father or show their children the slightest bit of attention but when a woman is seen out without her child people often ask her the question 'Who is looking after your baby?' 'Probably it's Grandparents? Duh!'

One part of the pregnancy journey that is not talked about often enough is miscarriage. In my journey to become a parent I have experienced two missed miscarriages. This is the type of miscarriage that is the least well known. For my first miscarriage I had to get a D and C Procedure and for my second miscarriage I took a medication called Misoprostol. Medical intervention to pass a miscarriage can be quite traumatic. Although my decision to take medication was because I was worried about the impact having mutliple surgeries would have on my body, seeing the fetus was also quite confronting and also traumatic. 

Due to intense emotion and the desire for healing I have been making more art in reference to my journey. It's also a desire for a dream to come true that I make art about my journey to become a parent. I'm also questioning how society portrays motherhood and parenthood in general. 

Why is it not considered ambitious to want to become a mum? Being a parent is one of the most important jobs in the world. You are actively contributing to the future of society. What could be more ambitious than that? Pregnancy isn't an easy feat. It's romanticised and not often depicted accurately. It's painful, uncomfortable, and at times a struggle but it's absolutely worth it if you really want children. If my only goal was to be pregnant, I would of given up by now. All things worth pursuing have obstacles and struggles but it doesn't stop us from chasing our dreams.

Also love is very powerful when it comes from a parent. How much you love your child actively affects how your child behaves towards society and how it treats itself. Parenthood deserves as much credibility as a career does, especially when it is done well. 

Similiar to me, Lillith from Frasier used her parenting as part of her ambition. She wrote a paper on parenting her child. I also thing being dedicated in your parenting and reflecting often on your parenting not only shows the effectiveness of your parenting but also shows that parenting is a job just like an income based job. 

To summarise, having miscarriages has not deterred me from parenthood, instead it has increased me desire to become a parent. The yearning becomes stronger and it has a similiar pull to trying to find your soulmate, only it's objective it to complete your family. I will never give up becoming a parent. I do not live in victimhood because of my parents. My biggest desire is to pass on the childhood I should of had to my children. Part of this is protecting them from abusive people even if they are blood relatives. They deserve better than what I had.